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Another flip-out: New Meds, New Direction

I flipped out again. Three times.

Morning: Lost my keys so I overturned a bookshelf.

Early evening: Couldn't find my credit card at the grocery store so I came home and broke a couple glasses.

Evening: Couldn't sleep and thought I'd get up to hammer a nail in the wall by the door to put my keys on. Couldn't find the hammer. Broke another glass. Then found hammer and put up a nail for the keys.

Spent a long time talking to Peter my personal therapist. Called him at midnight suicidal because the tingling sensation I'd felt all day was driving me crazy. I said, "Clearly, this rage crap has nothing to do with being bipolar. There's a physilogical cause brought on by trauma - PTSD. Do I treat it with somatic experiencing or EMDR? Something's gotta give."

We talked for awhile - earlier in the day, my shrink saw me and prescribed more Zyprexa and said I wasn't stable enough for EMDR. I won't get any stabler if I don't stop trashing my house. There's something so deep within me that just gets *triggered* by losing stuff - other people don't do this - I've done it forever and I'm sick of just loading on more meds.

So much anger today. So much rage. So much sadness that this shit STILL hasn't gone away.

posted by by gregoryp(tm) aka Gregory Pleshaw @ 11:34 PM